Slim's Corner: Country Grammar

Surgeon's General Warning: This post talks about mainstream country music. Most likely the only time I will reference today's music. Admittedly, I am 11 years sober (by the grace of a higher power) from consuming terrestrial country radio. Albeit, the final few years or so, I only listened to it sparingly. The topic of grammar (or lack thereof) in today's country music has been irking me for quite some time. After all, if you're a consumer of this music or not, these songs will go down in the annals of Country Music history. They are, and will be, part of the Country Music canon. So give a damn, I will. Here is my "Get Off my Lawn" boomer rant:

I could care less how these songs sound. For every horrid "country" song on the radio today, there are 500 songs by independent and/or historical acts that I much rather prefer. I consider myself a winner in that regard. However, we have to talk about the grammar used in country song titles (and to a lesser extent, the lyrics themselves). Ever notice how song titles are shortened, cut off from the main chorus punchline? I do not understand why this occurs. I would say it's to save time from radio DJ's having to say more words (which equals more play time), but that can not be accurate. In 2025, that's the last thing the music/radio industry is aiming for. Maybe they think it's more "catchy"? Maybe it's targeted for younger audiences who already talk in Emoji-form, using abbreviations and made up slang? Whatever it may be, my high-powered brain (tongue-in-cheek) has issues even saying the titles to some of these songs. They don't make any sense. Like the Spelling Bee judge in Billy Madison said, "Everyone in this room is now dumber for having heard this". 

There are so many examples of this, it honestly was not worth the research. Go to any album by any new country artist, and I guarantee you will find 2 or 3 song titles that make you go "Huh?". In about 5 minutes, I came up with the below examples (with added full punchline):

1. Cole Swindell "Happy Hour Sad" . Full punchline is "I Walked Into Happy Hour Sad". 

2. Carrie Underwood "Out of That Truck". Full Punchline is "Good Luck Trying to Get Me Out of That Truck"

3. Mitchell Tenpenny "Truth About You".  Full punchline is "I Won't Tell The Truth About You"

4. Parmalee "Just The Way". Full punchline is "Just The Way God Made You"

This one is a doozy, and seriously makes zero sense upon reading just the title

5. Luke Bryan "Jesus About My Kids". Full punchline "I Talk to Jesus About My Kids". 

I could go on and on and on. There is also just plain ol' weird song titles like "4x4xU" and "Drinkin' Beer Talkin' God Amen" etc. And DONT get me started on all uppercase or all lowercase song titles. 

Even though I would still dislike the songs, having a proper song title itself, would be much more visually appealing, and actually would slide off the tongue better. Any of the examples above would just look much better and proper with the full punchline title. Let's stop trying to further dumb-down Country Music, as we already take a lot of hits for other stereotypes. In 300 years I hope the scrolls of Country Music history can right itself, and get back to proper grammar, and absurdly long song titles. 

I will leave you with some awesome proper song titles (and for joking purposes, I will affix what the 2025 equivalent would be). 

1. "If You're Gonna Play In Texas ( You Gotta Have a Fiddle In The Band)" > 2025 Version "Gonna Play In Texas (Fiddle)"

2. "The Bottle In The Hand (Is Much Stronger Than The Man)" > 2025 Version "In The Hand"

3. "Don't Come Home a'Drinkin' (With Lovin' On Your Mind)" > 2025 Version "Home a'Drinkin"

4. "Hey, Won't You Play (Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song)"  > 2025 Version "The Hey Song"

5. "How Can I Believe in You (When You'll Be Leaving Me)" > 2025 Version "Can I Believe (Leaving Me)"

SLIM, OUT